Hi guys, sorry I’ve been away for so long, fortunately I don’t just date and write, I work too 🙂

I have a job that keeps me grounded and never lets me forget  who I am and where I came from, so at times I do find myself all wrapped up in work.

However, if it feels a bit like neglect, it really isn’t, I’m always thinking about the readers and I’m always gathering new material to share with you guys.

 

I had a chance to relax a bit this weekend though, which as you know by now is a rare occurrence for me, luckily I got just enough time, to have a couple of my girlfriends over for a ‘catch up’ and without fail we eventually got onto the topic of men and relationships.

While my friends were filling me in on what I missed, I was listening to them complaining about men and their inability to communicate, about them not being transparent enough and about all the issues some of these men came with, that if they knew about from the start, they probably wouldn’t have even gone on date number one.

 

While they were talking, it dawned on me that maybe we all wouldn’t waste so much of our time, if men came with labels. Just think about it for a minute, if we went to the supermarket and there were no labels on our food and lets just say we had to taste before we buy,  to figure out what we were about to get, we could end up spending hours, maybe even days at the supermarket and quite possibly still end up leaving empty handed.

While I think it would be a fun, useful idea, it obviously isn’t logical, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s the same thing and I am by no means suggesting that we all literally walk around wearing labels on our clothes, of course that would be silly. But, tins of food don’t talk and the advantage we have is that we do, it would be nice if people (not just men) would say what was in them from the start.

 

I think if I give you an example of what I’m talking about, you could understand what I’m saying.

One of my friends met this guy about a year ago, he presented himself as a serious, stand up guy, who shared similar interest, values and beliefs as she did and who despite coming from a failed marriage, wanted to settle down and have a family. They started dating a bit and one day out of nowhere, he told her he was going back to his ex, a woman he saw for a bit after his wife, a woman he once described as cold and unfeeling, who strung him along, treated him badly, cheated on him and who ultimately broke his heart. My friend was confused and believed it was either one of two things, either he was still in love with this woman, or he was a masochist. Either way it would have been nice to know this information from the beginning.

Needless to say, things between him and this woman didn’t work out, because sure enough, once he took her back, she treated him like dirt and in the end left him again.

He called my friend sometime last week and while talking to her, he revealed something he claims he’s always known about himself, he told her he gets nervous when he meets a woman who is too ‘eager’ and he tends to pull away from her, for fear of it working and that he feels more comfortable and safe with a woman who is cold, unfeeling and seems uninterested in him.

The point I’m trying to make is that, fine he has issues, like everyone we meet these days, that’s not a problem at all, the thing I have a problem with is that he didn’t tell my friend during one of their many late night, heart to heart talks. When in my opinion, she had every right to know that no matter how hard she tried, or how good of a girlfriend she would be to him, that it would never be good enough for him and that unless she was prepared to mistreat him and act like she didn’t care, she was simply wasting her time. There are lots of other labels we could  think of, ‘insecure’, ‘mama’s boy’, ‘abusive’ and the list goes on and on.

I think it’s nice to meet someone you like halfway, when it comes to dealing with issues from the past, that have left them either in a weird place, or terrified of getting hurt again, but it should be our choice from the start and if I were to go back to the example of food, you wouldn’t buy a pack of nuts if you were allergic to nuts would you? Why would you want to be with a man who clearly isn’t on the same page as you and seems comfortable living his life as a coward who pushes potential suitors away at the first sign that this is a normal woman who he can have a real future with?

It seems harsh to refer to him as a coward, because we all have things we battle and work through in life, but like I’ve said before, show me your label, because I might be allergic to nuts! 🙂

Follow@Caribwall

Like us on Facebook

3 Responses so far.

  1. rasta barbie says:

    Ok, whaaa???:
    “He gets nervous when he meets a woman who is too ‘eager’ and he tends to pull away from her, for fear of it working and that he feels more comfortable and safe with a woman who is cold, unfeeling and seems uninterested in him.”
    Yeah, a label is DEFINITELY needed on that one. I mean but WDA??? LOLOL

Leave a Reply